Chumlee from 'Pawn Stars' was arrested in Vegas for a felony weapon and drug charge. While he was being booked Rick called in an expert to see if it was real.
Bernie Sanders won a major ruling allowing 17 year olds to vote in the Ohio Primary... Two thirds texted in votes for Kim Kardashian.
Scientists are growing a dinosaur leg on a chicken in a bizarre experiment of reverse evolution. "I'm trying to perfect a colossal drumstick," said Colonel Frankin Sanders.
Nat Geo star "Dog Whisperer" Cesar Millan was arrested for cruelty to animals. What on Earth was he telling them?
An extremely rare case of twins born with different fathers have been reported after a DNA test was ordered. I think mom has some explaining to do.
Federal authorizes are investigating the deaths of 13 bald eagles discovered Saturday. Glenn Frey had all his hair, huh?
A mysterious radio burst has been pinpointed in a distant galaxy...Critics are telling me to apply for a job.
Saturday, March 12, 2016
Sunday, February 21, 2016
Larry's Latest Laughs #216
Science and Superheros: how close are we to creating real superpowers? Close, my wife tells me she knows what I'm thinking before I do.
I'd like to thank the Facebook friends who shared their friendship videos. I found four people who owe me money.
The German Short Haired Pointer won Best in Show at the Westminster Dog Show. When asked how it felt out there, the dog replied, "Ruff."
Happy Almond Day! You can pronounce it with or without the "L". It's nuts.
An exorcist claims that "beautiful women" are more likely to be possessed by demons. He went on to say, "But don't get me wrong, other women can be, too. I just don't care."
Thousands of blacktip sharks are gathering off the coast of Florida. The presidential primaries are in Florida next month, coincidence?
In a dream my room was dark and a weird man in a moustache was sneaking up on me to suffocate me with my pillow. Fearfully I struggled. I fought him off and awoke screaming, "Damn you Mike Lindell!."
Happy Mailman Day! Thank him for the forever stamps, as long as they last.
The worlds most advanced robot piano can now play any song ever recorded. Music lovers everywhere rejoiced when it refused to play Nickelback.
and finally,
North Korea yet again defied UN resolutions and fired another rocket causing outrage from its members. They issued this statement:
"We're Morally, Ethically,
Spiritually, Physically,
Undeniably and reliably outraged.
And as head of the UN I must aver, I thoroughly examined it.
And we're not only merely outraged, we're really most sincerely outraged."
I'd like to thank the Facebook friends who shared their friendship videos. I found four people who owe me money.
The German Short Haired Pointer won Best in Show at the Westminster Dog Show. When asked how it felt out there, the dog replied, "Ruff."
Happy Almond Day! You can pronounce it with or without the "L". It's nuts.
An exorcist claims that "beautiful women" are more likely to be possessed by demons. He went on to say, "But don't get me wrong, other women can be, too. I just don't care."
Thousands of blacktip sharks are gathering off the coast of Florida. The presidential primaries are in Florida next month, coincidence?
In a dream my room was dark and a weird man in a moustache was sneaking up on me to suffocate me with my pillow. Fearfully I struggled. I fought him off and awoke screaming, "Damn you Mike Lindell!."
Happy Mailman Day! Thank him for the forever stamps, as long as they last.
The worlds most advanced robot piano can now play any song ever recorded. Music lovers everywhere rejoiced when it refused to play Nickelback.
and finally,
North Korea yet again defied UN resolutions and fired another rocket causing outrage from its members. They issued this statement:
"We're Morally, Ethically,
Spiritually, Physically,
Undeniably and reliably outraged.
And as head of the UN I must aver, I thoroughly examined it.
And we're not only merely outraged, we're really most sincerely outraged."
Saturday, January 23, 2016
Larry's Latest Laughs 206
A dangerous strain of dog flu is sweeping the country. Veterinarians are telling patients to, "Catch two Frisbees and call me in the morning."
Scientists say robots will be controlling my life in the very near future. They might want to tell my wife.
A man from England who loved sea salt died of a sodium overdose. Assaulted by sodium, go figure.
Scientists are now saying animals workout just like humans to stay fit. What ticks me off is the turtles hogging the treadmills.
A 23 year old woman in South Carolina bit off the finger of a Walmart clerk because she tried to stop her from shoplifting. When asked about the incident, the clerk said, "I should have taken that job in the second hand store.”
Scientists say robots will be controlling my life in the very near future. They might want to tell my wife.
A man from England who loved sea salt died of a sodium overdose. Assaulted by sodium, go figure.
Scientists are now saying animals workout just like humans to stay fit. What ticks me off is the turtles hogging the treadmills.
A 23 year old woman in South Carolina bit off the finger of a Walmart clerk because she tried to stop her from shoplifting. When asked about the incident, the clerk said, "I should have taken that job in the second hand store.”
Sunday, January 10, 2016
It's going to be cold.
NFL officials say today's playoff game in Minnesota will be so cold the teams will use specially designed underwear... It's got a special place to keep their ego.
Friday, January 8, 2016
Go Figure
Just got into an argument with my wife over the 500 million dollar lottery and what we'd do if we won. Couples fight over what to do with their money. We fight over what to do with the money we don't even have.
Friday, January 1, 2016
2015 in Review
By: Larry Hyatt
2015 was a hell of a year.
For some it started great.
Not so much for Tom Brady.
Remember deflate-gate?
The Blade Runner couldn’t believe it.
He said, “I’m really stumped.”
Young boys will keep their big eye full
But will surely miss the plastic.
They’ll “Go girl” with their dad, you’ll see,
And look like him when older.
They’ll have more kids than mom and dad
If they don’t stay off their back.
I guarantee I’ll heed the warning
When my dentist says to floss.
Blue Bell is finally back on the shelf
After giving some the runs.
Yogi Berra, “slud” through the Pearly Gates.
Trump is even on the stump,
Hill and Bill not going away.
So except it, tell it, “I am here,”
And sing it Adele’s “Hello.”
2015 was a hell of a year.
For some it started great.
Not so much for Tom Brady.
Remember deflate-gate?
Pistorius found guilty,
South Africans were pumped.The Blade Runner couldn’t believe it.
He said, “I’m really stumped.”
Playboy cancelled naked girls,
Natgeo sales, fantastic.Young boys will keep their big eye full
But will surely miss the plastic.
Bruce is Caitlyn. Caitlyn is
Bruce.
Kylie and Kendall now feel
bolder.They’ll “Go girl” with their dad, you’ll see,
And look like him when older.
Josh Dugger took a fall from
grace,
The sisters picked up his
slack.They’ll have more kids than mom and dad
If they don’t stay off their back.
Cecil the Lion was struck
down.
The whole world felt the
loss.I guarantee I’ll heed the warning
When my dentist says to floss.
McDonald’s started late night
breakfast,
Subway and Jared, no
longer one.Blue Bell is finally back on the shelf
After giving some the runs.
B.B. King, Scott Weiland,
Jackie Collins could not escape.
Leonard Nimoy thought it
quite illogical, Yogi Berra, “slud” through the Pearly Gates.
The world is much divided.
No black or white, it’s gray.Trump is even on the stump,
Hill and Bill not going away.
Whatever happens in 2016,
It'll be good and bad you
know.So except it, tell it, “I am here,”
And sing it Adele’s “Hello.”
Saturday, December 19, 2015
Larry's Latest Laughs #1215
Coming up in the news:
Experts say to adapt to the cold on Mars you should live in Antarctica...To adapt to the cold in Antarctica you should live with my ex-wife.
Norway is now "paying" Syrian refugees to leave the country. They're putting them on a dingy and telling them it's a Viking River Cruise.
Officials now say the first human head transplant will take place in China. The surgeon doing the surgery is No Kah Ting Wong.
Now a study shows being a vegetarian is bad for the environment. For some that must be one hell of a dilemma .
The doctor to the stars they called "The Father of Botox" has died in Palm Springs. Everyone at the funeral had the same expression.
I just read smart car seats can now tell the driver's physical and mental state. A really good one can detect hemorrhoids.
A comedian has been elected the president of Venezuela. He'll be in his office every Thursday and wants you to try the veal.
I just clicked my Facebook "2015 Year in Review." It said better luck next year.
and finally...
I was in Walmart the night before Black Friday. There were extremely long lines everywhere, in all departments, winding through the store. I waited in one for two hours then found out it was the ladies' bathroom.
Experts say to adapt to the cold on Mars you should live in Antarctica...To adapt to the cold in Antarctica you should live with my ex-wife.
Norway is now "paying" Syrian refugees to leave the country. They're putting them on a dingy and telling them it's a Viking River Cruise.
Officials now say the first human head transplant will take place in China. The surgeon doing the surgery is No Kah Ting Wong.
Now a study shows being a vegetarian is bad for the environment. For some that must be one hell of a dilemma .
The doctor to the stars they called "The Father of Botox" has died in Palm Springs. Everyone at the funeral had the same expression.
I just read smart car seats can now tell the driver's physical and mental state. A really good one can detect hemorrhoids.
A comedian has been elected the president of Venezuela. He'll be in his office every Thursday and wants you to try the veal.
I just clicked my Facebook "2015 Year in Review." It said better luck next year.
and finally...
I was in Walmart the night before Black Friday. There were extremely long lines everywhere, in all departments, winding through the store. I waited in one for two hours then found out it was the ladies' bathroom.
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