Larry's Latest Laughs #193

A new study found chimpanzee beds are cleaner than those of humans. Can't argue there. If it's true we come from dust under my bed alone is the birth of a nation.

Men, ages 70 and 72, got in a fight over who cut in the cheese sample line at Costco. Nothing Gouda ever comes from something like that.

Donald Trump says he would give himself an A+ for his work as president. Stormy Daniels gave him double D's.

Archaeologist in Egypt stumbled upon a new discovery dating back to more than 2,5000 years, a mummification workshop near Egypt's famed pyramids. In the first chamber, posted in hieroglyphics, were Workman's Compensation, and Slave Labor Laws.

A tanker truck in Jefferson, Iowa flipped and spilled 4,000 gallons of milk. Police said crews took several hours to clean up the mess because everyone who tried to help kept crying uncontrollably.

A UK couple who've been married for 70 years say they've never argued. "We have a perfect relationship," the man said. "She does her thing...and I do hers."

People who are young at heart say you're never too old to get a tattoo. How much would it cost to have written on my back, "I've fallen and I can't get up?"

Two elderly men escaped a retirement home to go to a heavy metal music festival. Hey, if you're not off your rocker, get off your rocker, and rock.

Stormy Daniels was awarded the key to a California city yesterday. Handing her the key was a pizza guy, pool boy, and the UPS man.

Archaeologist in Jordan found a 14,000 year old bread loaf believed to be the oldest ever found. The leader of the exhibition said, "There is more to discover. I think we're on a roll."

The world's oldest person Chiyo Miyako has died in Japan at age of 117. Her 100 year old daughter said. "I hated to see her go, but now I can finally eat first."

HGTV has bought the 'Brady Bunch' house and will restore it to it's "70's glory." Don't let the Property Brothers near it. They'll find a thousand things wrong with it before they begin.

This weekend, if you're looking to catch a good movie with the kids, I heard the Lego movie was well put together.

Today is National Scavenger Hunt Day! When I was a kid my babysitter's boyfriend used to send me on those all the time.

I told my wife that today was National Catfish Day! She said, "You'll fit right in. You have a hard head."

How many of you would like to see Judge Judy appointed to the Supreme Court? She could end each case with, "We're done!" If anyone talks backs, "I said, we're done!"