Sunday, May 30, 2010

LCN-TV Summer Line Up

I work in Louisiana producing television shows for LCN-TV, “The Louisiana Superstation,” a network that airs on cable systems throughout the state. Our niche is Louisiana’s music, cuisine, politics, outdoors, sports, documentaries, entertainment, etc. You can catch us worldwide, at Here’s our new summer programs.

“Barataria” Bay Watch - The opening has extremely beautiful women in bikinis, running in slow motion, on the beaches of Louisiana. I know it’s been done, but our cast will be covered in baby oil. This is television, and the sludge that is now on our coastline wouldn’t look good, but the metaphor might hit home. Since no one is on the beach because of the crude oil, for one hour, each week, the characters will just keep applying baby oil.

American Idle- This would be a political show with BP executives and the federal government, sitting at a table, discussing feverously, about what Louisiana is facing. The conflict would be exceptional, finger pointing, pundits from both sides, democrats, republicans, all fighting, talking at the same time, no one will hear a thing, and nothing gets resolved. It could be a great cliffhanger for the next episode. Again, where nothing gets done.

Dancing in the Bars, “Not”- This is a music/dance show featuring Louisiana musicians in the nightclubs along the Gulf Coast. The bands play a great show, each week, but the club owners can’t pay them because “not” one person is dancing. We’ll eliminate a bar each week when they go out of business.

Buffy the Oil Industry Slayer
- A young environmentalist named Buffy, along with her BFF tree hugger named Muffy, and their male friend, hot, young, withdrawn, and disheveled, Scruffy, takes on the oil industry and it’s plot to take over America. As added conflict, Scruffy has carnal thoughts of Buffy, but Buffy is to driven to notice. Scruffy, confides in Muffy, who is secretly in love with Scruffy, but her dog is also named Scruffy and she can’t get past that.

Cooking with Earl- This is a cooking show out of New Orleans and a take on how my father, a New Orleanian, would say the word “oil.” When used in a sentence, he would say, “For Christ’s sake, Larry, you didn’t buy any cooking “earl” to fry the fish.” With that said. The host of the show, a guy named Earl, (for the people who don’t get the joke) will go to the Gulf of Mexico, skim the surface of the water, heat it, and cook the food in the oil and residue. He’ll give you tips such as, “for added flavor, “burr-al” the crabs along with a brick,” and basic tips on how not to kill yourself or at least, how not to get the runs.

The Deadliest Catch- This is a fishing show. That one’s self-explanatory.

Cost- This is a drama that follows a three-generation, Louisiana fishing family on welfare. The older generation will reminisce about the good ole’ days and the middle aged will talk about the present hardships while trying to keep the family together. The younger generation will want to give up, sell the business, and move way up north, to Shreveport.

This is a political show where the residence of Louisiana, get to voice their opinion on how the spill is being handled. It will be produced at different location in the state and as the show progresses everyone becomes hoarse from constantly screaming. Then in the last five seconds of each episode, when everyone can’t speak a word, we’ll show a clip of an official saying. “We’re doing all we can.”

ESPN-BP- This will be a sports show where BP keeps the ball rolling back and forth from taking the blame and blaming it on everybody else. In an “I’m gonna sue you and be a millionaire” segment, you’ll have a chance to call a friend and ask, WTF.

And finally,

A Charlie Brown/Melancon Christmas- This is an animated cartoon, holiday special for the end of the year, a tearjerker that will make everyone cry for our coastline, just like State Representative Charlie Melancon did on national television, and captured everyone in the state of Louisiana’s feelings.

God bless the families of those lost in the explosion.

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