Sunday, October 24, 2010

Where is the 409?

I’m not obsessive about cleaning. If its true we come from dust under my bed alone would be mankind’s new beginning. I wouldn’t even want God to take it on. He would have to rest on the eight-day and throw the workweek completely out of whack.
My wife on the other hand likes to keep the place presentable, more so when I tick her off. But you see I’ve changed and the house is a freaking wreck. To get things back to normal I have to man up or start to piss her off again.
Before we were married I’d make her so mad she would clean the tops of the cans in the pantry. She’d take them out, one by one, wipe them down and put them back with labels facing the front. The molding on the ceiling shined, fans, windowsills, cabinets, all where spotless. When the dog saw her open a roll of paper towels he would run to the corner of the room, fall to his stomach and put both paws over his eyes. And, it was her dog.
I did look into her actions and friends said it’s a way a gaining control over ones surroundings, to focus and possibly get passed it while not beating the hell out me, which she wanted to do but would have gotten her arrested.
“Let’s see, beat the hell out of my boyfriend and get arrested or have a fragrant smelling house? Hmmm. I really, really, do want to beat the hell out of my boyfriend.”
She went with the smell of spring.
I once thought a great joke would be to clean the entire house from top to bottom then go fishing or play golf when her family had a birthday, let her come home and have nothing to do but think of me but realized that’s what cleaning the house was about in the first place. It was, to not think of me.
Well, what’s a man to do now that he’s changed?
I am no longer a work in progress and have the perfect relationship. She does her thing… and I do hers. The dishes are washed, crumbs aren’t in the sofa and the Campbell Soup labels stare me in the face. But now I’m not doing it fast enough. My change has come with consequences.
I just might have to go fishing this week. Her cousin that I don’t like is having a birthday.

Saturday, October 9, 2010


I haven’t written about politics because I figured you didn’t want to hear more mundane views, but with the economy, the banking disaster, the bail outs, the threat of Iran, Health Care and climate change, I feel compelled to jump on the soap box and take sides on something so vital to our health and well being and say, “Damn! They have some hot chicks in politics these days.”
Today we have female politicians that look like Sarah Palin, Barbara Bachman, and Michelle Obama, ladies who take care of themselves and know looking good is important. I have to admit, I wouldn’t run from Mary Landrieu at a crawfish boil if she sucked the heads and pinched my tail.
Well now that they’re in, the first thing the good-looking politicians should do, is to get rid of the ugly people. The homeless will always be here. They need to get rid of the homely. Actually, they’re starting with themselves.
Scott Brown the senator from Massachusetts posed semi-nude for Cosmopolitan in 1982. That, I am certain got him more votes then not and when the girls talked about it on “The View” and conveyed how hot they thought he was, I’m sure millions of women goggled the image and saw for themselves he would be an upstanding senator.
Posing for cheesecake photos wouldn’t work for female politicians. It’s a double standard.
I wonder what would happen if Sarah Palin asked an up and coming female republican to run along with her for president. A fiery redhead would be ideal. I would call it, “The Mary Ann-Ginger Ticket.”
Hillary Clinton should run and choose a hot blond, female democrat to run along with her. Hell, the whole staff could be blond and we can call them Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends.
I like my politicians to be attractive. They don’t have to be but it’s a plus and with television it’s almost certain that they look good. Not necessary “hot” but good.
Look at the work done on older politicians. I can’t blame them and if they go under the knife, especially while they’re young, we won’t notice the difference, because the trick to plastic surgery is to start young and hope you don’t live long enough to look like you’re stretched tighter then a dollar in today’s economy.
I hope I live long enough to see Sarah Palin at eighty and the on going tweaks to her face she would have had done. I guess I could compare it to Joan Rivers. You see I’ve never seen an old looking Joan Rivers. I know Joan should look much older but without seeing a transformation backward I have nothing to go with.
Hot politicians are here to stay and maybe those young ladies, in the “Girl’s Gone Wild” video will not he hampered by the decision to enter politics and continue to raise there top and yell very enthusiastically, “Woo! Woo! Par-ta! Woo! Woo! Girl’s Gone Wild.”
May it never come between them, their hotness, and being a pillar of their community. This is Louisiana; if it doesn’t, the dead guys would give 'em the vote.

My one act play is a finalist in a competition.
If you would like to read it, I'll send it to you.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Maybe it's a higher power.

In the last three weeks I could have given Austin Powers a run for his line, “Hey baby.” Lately, my mojo has been kickin’ ass.
Three weeks ago I wrote about radio and someone noticed. Two week ago my doctor told me my colon was cleaner then a saint’s before they enter politics.
Then last week, after gloating about the blog awards, I was called and offered a job in broadcasting that I couldn't refuse.
Now this week, Point of View published one of my articles, and the piece about the movie, “Eat, Pray Love.”
Dang, I’m having a good week, to the 2nd power.
Now I’m scared.

Radio takes focus. To have a good joke pop in the brain, travel to your tongue and complete the process, understandably, is exhilarating. It’s to throw a strike or find the perfect word that puts the period at the end of a great sentence, to lean back from the keyboard, fold your arms and smile. It’s to reach over, grab the glass and take a sip.
It’s that sentence I want to find. It’s that story I what to tell. Does my brevity have a place along side fiction? We'll see.

Seven things about myself was something I had to get to, since Donna Hole passed it to me.

1. I’ll list the arts together, go a step further and say I like a good show. Being in one is even better. I once played the lead in a musical and the character; “The Mute,” won the “People’s Choice Award.” (True story)
2. I like history, reminiscing with family, and get a kick out of learning things about the past that I didn’t get the first time. “Really? No kidding? No wonder that happen.”
3. I’m a morning person. I like to get after it, and can get an edge on my fellowman without screwing him over. “A new day and what it may bring,” I find that kind’a cool.
4. I like hamburgers, with cheese, no tomato, but add ketchup.
5. I had to take remedial English in college and later owned a magazine.
6. I regret not learning about computers.
7. I fall asleep on my back with my hands folded on my chest. People will look at me when I’m dead and say he looks like he’s sleeping.

The POV stories.

For those interested go to and listen M-F, from 9am- 3pm. Click on "listen here" and it plays the audio. I will not sound like you would think and will never look like people think I sound.
People never hear red hair.