Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Headless Man Sues Disney World

By:  Larry Hyatt

Orlando, Florida: An Idaho father of three, who lost his head in a freak potato accident, is suing Disney World after being sold a king’s crown in the Magic Kingdom.
Lawyers, under the American’s with Disabilities’ Act, took action Thursday when Disney World sold Ned Noggins a king’s crown in the Magic Kingdom gift shop, knowing Mr. Noggins didn’t have a head to place it on.

Noggins said, “Yes, I’m insulted. I’m an American. I don’t have a head, yet they took my money. I shouldn’t have to be insulted when I take my family to see Mickey Mouse. It’s goofy.”

Disney officials did apologize and called it a “very unfortunate situation.”
When asked about reprimands to any Disney employees, officials said, “Oh yes, heads are gonna’ roll. Umm, check that, we will take action.”

This and more later today…

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Saturdays Nevermore

The little boy missed his dad and he always heard the same.
“I promise son, this time I’m there, I’ll make it to the game."
So the little boy would eagerly wait, and sit, outside his house on a packed suitcase for the love of his life, the father who never came.

But there was a man who the boy admired, who showed up all the time, who would say things to make the boy feel good, and the boy felt first in line.
The boy had longed for someone to play and the man would even find time to stay, but only for just minutes, to throw the ball, or comment on the weather. Or, ask about the long summer’s day or what grade he’ll be at the start of fall.

And the little boy would smile.
And the man would smile.
And both would reinforce their mutual admiration if only for a while.

One afternoon the little boy, confused, said to his mother,
“Mr. Calvin comes and talks to me but daddy doesn’t bother.”
His mother then leaned down and gently said to him, “Mr. Calvin delivers letters, he goes from house to house and sometimes visits them.”

The little boy now understood, reached out, and grabbed his mother's hand,
“You know what, mommy? When I grow up, I want to be a mailman.”

To the men who visit more than some dads, they’ll miss you on Saturdays.

Saturday, February 2, 2013

No News is Bad News

By: Larry Hyatt
New Orleans, LA:  Residents of The Crescent City are in a complete conniption.

With the tragedy of The Times Picayune, the local newspaper, cutting its circulation to three days a week and the alignment of Mardi Gras, The Super Bowl, and Crawfish season on the same weekend, millions of crawfish eaters are scrambling for newspaper to spread on tables to enjoy the Cajun delicacies.
Joey “Cooyon” St. Pierre, head boiler at the famous French Quarter eatery, The Crustacean Station, said, “Da people are freaking out. They’re in a tailspin, no pun intended. They can’t find enough paper to lay out. You should see ‘em. The people are havin’ to use the obituary section and dat’s a complete taboo. To eat on somebody’s picture when they’re dead and can’t make it, puttin’ down a photo of somebody’s loved one. That’s just not right.”

This and more later today…