Sunday, June 28, 2015

Larry's Latest Laughes

The world’s first witchcraft cafĂ© has opened to serve love spells, black magic, and potions. “Uh, excuse me, Miss. There’s an eye in my soup.”

Two rival self driving cars almost collided in California. Their features allowed both to text obscene messages.

Researchers in the Netherlands were amazed when a chimpanzee rattled off a drum solo and linked it to human’s music ability. Researchers however were then disappointed when he ripped open the drum to see where the sound was coming from.

I bought that new technology that allows me to change the TV channel with my mind. All I keep doing is flushing all the toilets.

In three years food sold in the U.S. will be free of trans fat. Aren’t we supposed to except trans fat?

Donald Trump threw his hair into the presidential ring and stated that it is actual hair, but it identifies itself as a wombat.

Saturday, June 20, 2015

Father's Day 2015

By: Larry Hyatt
Sung to the tune “Cats in the Cradle.”

My father died on a cloudy day.
He always wondered why he went astray.
He was young and scared and he never knew
When life throws curves you can see it through.
So he took off to see
What he'd find in the sky
Not knowing what’s missing inside.
Something was missing inside….

Weekends were special and I had to learn
How missing a father makes little boys yearn.
To fill that heart they’ll turn other ways
To seek that something they crave.
To find a love
That they crave.

He’s long since been gone, my life it sure has changed.
I’ve come to grips with so many blames.
I got bills to pay and places to see
I bounce a little girl upon my knee.
And I think of my dad and the gleam in her eyes
She says, “Daddy, say again, I’m your prize. Please say it again, I’m your prize.”

And as her words rang true it occurred to me.
My father enlightened me.
He taught me how not to be he.

Weekends were special and I had to learn
How missing a father makes little boys yearn.
To fill their heart they’ll turn other ways
To seek that something they crave.
To find the love
That they crave.

Be there for your children and not just there, nurture.


Saturday, June 13, 2015

Chimps Get What They Want

            Washington, DC: In a new report from The US Fish and Wildlife Service, captive chimps will get major new changes from medical researchers.  
             A group of chimpanzees, calling themselves “The Spunky Monkeys,” got their wish by formally complaining about the pay discrepancy between the ranks in medical marijuana and breeding research, and other monkeys forced through procedures that probe the prostate. 
            “We just didn’t think it was right,” said Thumbs, a chimp from the prostate group looking to get at least $50 an hour. “Those monkeys are getting high every day, I mean really high, enjoying what researchers call ‘companionship.’ We call it something else, not to mention the food they eat. You run up that cold metal rod and see if you wouldn't want what the stoners are getting.”  
            Some medical researchers don’t welcome the changes saying this isn’t what monkeys are supposed to do for the rest of their lives. Doctor Paige Turner, top researcher at the Monkey See, Monkey Do Research Facility, said, “Young primates need to learn a skill and move on to better paying jobs like the circus or becoming a You Tube sensation, and what about the lost art of taking people’s money for an organ grinder?”
            Thumbs, the chimp from the prostate group went on to say, “I know everyone can’t start at the top but I should get compensated if they’re gonna start with my bottom.”
            The new pay increase goes in effect in July.

Saturday, June 6, 2015

Larry's Latest Laughs

Me: Hey Honey, The FDA has recommended approval of "female Viagra."
Wife: Wait a minute. Someone invented a pill that cleans the house, washes clothes, and rubs my feet when I get home from work?

The Charlie Charlie Challenge is a twitter craze taking over social media. Kids everywhere are trying to summon a Mexican Demon. I hope it doesn't have anything to do with that burrito I ate for lunch.

A study has found chimps have the mental skills to cook. School children across America say it's better than Michelle's lunch program.

A movement is underway to prohibit lengthy breath holding underwater in public pools. The government passed a policy. Swimmers in the USA are now required to grow gills.

My self driving car came home after an accident and blamed it on a hit and run. I don't know if I should believe it.