Sunday, October 24, 2010

Where is the 409?

I’m not obsessive about cleaning. If its true we come from dust under my bed alone would be mankind’s new beginning. I wouldn’t even want God to take it on. He would have to rest on the eight-day and throw the workweek completely out of whack.
My wife on the other hand likes to keep the place presentable, more so when I tick her off. But you see I’ve changed and the house is a freaking wreck. To get things back to normal I have to man up or start to piss her off again.
Before we were married I’d make her so mad she would clean the tops of the cans in the pantry. She’d take them out, one by one, wipe them down and put them back with labels facing the front. The molding on the ceiling shined, fans, windowsills, cabinets, all where spotless. When the dog saw her open a roll of paper towels he would run to the corner of the room, fall to his stomach and put both paws over his eyes. And, it was her dog.
I did look into her actions and friends said it’s a way a gaining control over ones surroundings, to focus and possibly get passed it while not beating the hell out me, which she wanted to do but would have gotten her arrested.
“Let’s see, beat the hell out of my boyfriend and get arrested or have a fragrant smelling house? Hmmm. I really, really, do want to beat the hell out of my boyfriend.”
She went with the smell of spring.
I once thought a great joke would be to clean the entire house from top to bottom then go fishing or play golf when her family had a birthday, let her come home and have nothing to do but think of me but realized that’s what cleaning the house was about in the first place. It was, to not think of me.
Well, what’s a man to do now that he’s changed?
I am no longer a work in progress and have the perfect relationship. She does her thing… and I do hers. The dishes are washed, crumbs aren’t in the sofa and the Campbell Soup labels stare me in the face. But now I’m not doing it fast enough. My change has come with consequences.
I just might have to go fishing this week. Her cousin that I don’t like is having a birthday.


  1. You're invited to read about the magic.
    Hope to see you there and if you could PLEASE help me spread the word that'd be great.

  2. Its ok to backslide once in a while. You're only a man Hy, and women need some predictability of them.

    Just saying . .


  3. For a guy, you're doing really great, Hy! Hang out the Gone Fishin' sign!

  4. You have a better handle on that situation that I do now. My house is an utter disaster. Christms tree must go up, so I should really get it done today....maybe with help of a fire, some irish coffee and music.....

  5. Sounds like you've got it! ;-)