Larry's Latest Laughs 206

A dangerous strain of dog flu is sweeping the country. Veterinarians are telling patients to, "Catch two Frisbees and call me in the morning."

Scientists say robots will be controlling my life in the very near future. They might want to tell my wife.

A man from England who loved sea salt died of a sodium overdose. Assaulted by sodium, go figure.

Scientists are now saying animals workout just like humans to stay fit. What ticks me off is the turtles hogging the treadmills.

A 23 year old woman in South Carolina bit off the finger of a Walmart clerk because she tried to stop her from shoplifting. When asked about the incident, the clerk said,  "I should have taken that job in the second hand store.”

 

It's going to be cold.

                          

NFL officials say today's playoff game in Minnesota will be so cold the teams will use specially designed underwear... It's got a special place to keep their ego.

Go Figure

Just got into an argument with my wife over the 500 million dollar lottery and what we'd do if we won. Couples fight over what to do with their money. We fight over what to do with the money we don't even have.

2015 in Review

By: Larry Hyatt

2015 was a hell of a year.
For some it started great.
Not so much for Tom Brady.
Remember deflate-gate?

Pistorius found guilty,

South Africans were pumped.
The Blade Runner couldn’t believe it.
He said, “I’m really stumped.”

Playboy cancelled naked girls,

Natgeo sales, fantastic.
Young boys will keep their big eye full
But will surely miss the plastic.

Bruce is Caitlyn. Caitlyn is Bruce.

Kylie and Kendall now feel bolder.
They’ll  “Go girl” with their dad, you’ll see,
And look like him when older.

Josh Dugger took a fall from grace,

The sisters picked up his slack.
They’ll have more kids than mom and dad
If they don’t stay off their back.

Cecil the Lion was struck down.

The whole world felt the loss.
I guarantee I’ll heed the warning
When my dentist says to floss.

McDonald’s started late night breakfast,

Subway and Jared, no longer one.
Blue Bell is finally back on the shelf
After giving some the runs.

B.B. King, Scott Weiland,

Jackie Collins could not escape.

Leonard Nimoy thought it quite illogical,
Yogi Berra, “slud” through the Pearly Gates.

The world is much divided.

No black or white, it’s gray.
Trump is even on the stump,
Hill and Bill not going away.

Whatever happens in 2016,

It'll be good and bad you know.
So except it, tell it, “I am here,”
And sing it Adele’s “Hello.”