A woman from Texas named Traci Redford was flying Southwest with her five-year-old daughter a few weeks ago, and the employees at the gate made fun of her daughter’s name, because it’s spelled A-B-C-D-E. It’s pronounced Ab-suh-dee. The woman’s an idiot. Everybody knows that’s a boy’s name.
Announcers are running out of things to talk about for the Superbowl. Just heard this about how the refs can affect the game:
Head Linesman- In a divorce.
Line Judge- Has no visibility in his right eye.
Umpire- Lingering prostate issues.
Back Judge- Heightened level of anxiety. (His mother won’t be at game.)
Side Judge- Fear of animals as mascots.
Field Judge- He will be late. He woke up in Piedmont Park, naked with a quarter in his hand.
Head Linesman- In a divorce.
Line Judge- Has no visibility in his right eye.
Umpire- Lingering prostate issues.
Back Judge- Heightened level of anxiety. (His mother won’t be at game.)
Side Judge- Fear of animals as mascots.
Field Judge- He will be late. He woke up in Piedmont Park, naked with a quarter in his hand.
A new study shows a “fish heavy” diet could prevent depression, especially, if you eat clownfish.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg will miss Supreme Court arguments for first time in 25 years. Unlike my wife, who would never give up.
Technology sure is getting intrusive. Makers of the new high-tech toilets say soon they will be tracking your every movement.
Went to buy healthy food this morning for the New Year and had to walk past Valentine’s Day candy. I showed them. I bought the discounted Christmas candy instead.
President Barack H. Obama Highway is now open. You can drive it in California. If you get pulled over you have to show your driver’s license, proof of insurance, registration, and birth certificate.
Today was the day in 2001 that the Shoe Bomber was caught trying to detonate a bomb on an airline. I hear he’s in the same cell as the Underwear Bomber and they run the jail haberdashery.
Today is Flashlight Day. When you turn on yours make sure it’s not your light saber.
Plans are under way to sail a full-sized reconstruction of Noah’s Ark to Israel. The party animals will be on the Lido Deck.
The parish has plans to expand the Lafourche Parish Main Library. They’re building a second story. It will go nicely with all the others.
It’s not just Halloween; it’s also Increase Your Physic Powers Day! I think my wife’s a physic. She always knows what’s good for me.
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