Sunday, February 1, 2015

Super Bowl 2015

Today is Super Bowl Sunday. Here are some rules if you’re throwing a Super Bowl party. If you’re inviting someone to your house, don’t screw it up.

1.     Play a drinking game. When the announcer mentions the words “deflated”, those who drink should take a sip. It must only be used when referring to the football, not when referencing the cheerleaders.

2.     It’s a given. One of the teams will score right before the end of the quarter, half, or end of the game, pissing off a person at the party who had those numbers in a pool. If someone else has the new numbers, they should pretend to sympathize till one of them leave the room.

3.  The referees will completely screw up a call. When instant replay overturns it, “try” to get your guests to get over it and move on. It’s a game. I did say, “try.”

4.     If everyone brings a dish to your party make sure everyone brings something expensive or something that took a long time to make. I’m having a party and thought I should throw that out there.

5.     If women are at your party, Tom Brady’s looks and his supermodel wife will come into play. Men, please, get ahead of this. Explain that the cute quarterback, if he loses, is going home to a freaking supermodel.

6.  If the game is a blow out, everyone except Colorado is screwed.  

7.  Don’t be perplexed when at least one announcer during the game says that every player on the field is the “Best player in the league” ignoring the fact he can’t explain why a team can lose at all.

8.  If anyone is watching only for the commercials, tell them, shame, shame, shame. You could have seen those on the internet.

9.   Belichick will cheat. You just won’t know how.

And finally,

10.  A wardrobe malfunction is something you can wish for. Hell, it's Katy Perry.

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